What are you lookin at?

I do some material that is definitely controversial. Am I proud of it...sure. I'm happy that I'm not stuck doing something I hate, that is why I walked away from the corporate landscape 10 years a go. You can take your ladder and shove it in your ass you corporate monkeys.

One thing I am also amazed at, is that some comics will not stand behind their material. If you will say in public you should be proud of it. If you think it truly has merit you should be able to perform it no matter who is in the crowd. Now I am not saying if there is blue hairs in the audience you should still be able to do your song "Nana Cunt Gravy Soup is Missing a Ladel" cause you are an artiste.

If the venue has not done a good job of warning a crowd of my show, I will hold back if there is older people in the crowd. One thing I have always respected is age and feel there is a right time and place for certain language and topics. In the past I have been booked for a wedding reception and a couple's 50th wedding anniversary. Can you imagine if I didn't hold back.

"Oh dear we are almost at our 60 th wedding anniversary..do you remember ten years ago when we went to yuk yuks and that short balding fat guy called you fuckface...I love you"

"I love you too cunty"

One thing I will always do is material about groups of people if they are there...so if I have material where I make fun of older people I will most definitely do it if they are there. I have a midget bit and I have done it if they are in the audience. Every other comic will always come up to ask me if I am going to do the bit. For me, if I don't do the bit because I think it will offend them then I should not do the bit period. If you make fun of chinese people you have to do it if they are there...if they like it then fine..if they find it racist then you should drop it. That is how I do it. I don't need white people to tell me what I should be saying about others.

I have done that midget bit for years and I have never had any little person come up to me and say they were offended. In fact I have had some come up laughing at the end of the show. The worst thing I say is that they are horny all the time.....oooh no .......do you mean to tell me comic that little people ....they fuck.

A few years ago I received a letter from a girl at a college who said her best friend was a midget and that she was glad she was not there cause she would have been horrified at my material. First of all..if you watch my act I make fun of everyone...EVERYONE and mostly MYSELF. My own shortcomings...my own deformities etc. I don't have to go into the history of comedy and tell you that at the butt end of every joke you are making fun of someone. Comedy is just tragedy plus time (Woody Allen)....therefore someone has to get hurt by definition.

What I said was not that offensive but people who want to champion a cause look for catchphrases and get their mojo working. Now if her friend "The midget" was there and emailed me then that would be different. I am not going to change my act for the old "my best friend is black and they would not like you doing that bit where you say Nigger". For there record the bit where I say nigger is funny and black people have laughed very very loud at it. White people get very uncomfortable whenever I say it even though in the joke I use the term in the right context and defend a black person it was said to. To be honest I hate the word myself and until this bit I never said it but the message of the bit was bigger then my own hangups.

Last week I was in gaytown doing a show at a local open mike night and I did a gay bit. Any time I write material that is has anything to do with homosexuality, the first place I do it is there. If they are offended I don't do it in the traditional clubs. I don't want to take the easy way out and just put a wacky gay accent on something to whitewash the truth.

A few years ago I was in western canada (same tour as the poster) and I was in a small town and a guy came up to me after a show that did not go so great. He said to me

"Hey let me buy you a beer...you are from toronto right..sure are a lot of blacks and faggots there"

I paused, looked at him in the eye and said

"Yeah ...that is why I live there. And for the record I would rather be fucked in the ass by a faggot... then share a beer with you"

He gave me some kinda pissed look and thought... fuck it I will just go home and hit my wife who doesn't fight back and walked off"

In hindsight I wish I said "fucked in the ass by a Black Faggot" cause that would make the joke funnier but we all know I am not the best in the moment. Also to be honest, now that I am at home safe and secure with no cause to champion, I would rather take the beer cause I am not a big fan of the back door action....

In gaytown that wednesday night I told that story and they laughed a little. Just enough to know, that it'll be alright to tell it at straight clubs and know if whitey straighty complains, don't worry about it.

I ain't never selling the gay man down Judy Garland river.