What are you lookin at?

You know it is funny, but some days I don't feel so funny. I still think that I am just fooling a lot of people with smoke and mirrors. I hope one day it goes away.

Over the last few weeks I have worked really really hard and sacrificed time with my family to do what...in the end be stared at by crowds. Every six months I still think about quiting. At the moment I bore my friends or my wife with the same speech of how I should try and find something else... I find a crowd that gets it and all the planets align and I do a seven out of ten.

This what it has become...chasing a seven out of ten....god help me from my addictions

At least with heroin you shoot up in a stall. There is no one watching going "He sucks at this..he doesn't even know how to use a spoon or cook it. I want my money back. Bring back the junkie who got it right."

They say "keep your head up and dig your feet in"...it is hard to dig your feet in when you are standing in a pool of bullshit.

and please refrain from emailing me to tell me to keep going....go hug someone else fuckface