What are you lookin at?

Whenever I bomb like I did last night and still have shows to do in the same city, I always have to wash my mind of the funk. So I end up going to the local record shop and purchase music or dvds to inspire me.

I rush back to my room and have the warm glow cover my body like a wave of mutilation. Just try to sweep the mind of any thoughts and try and start fresh.

I have always tried to stay with the times when it comes to music and other pop culture movements but sometimes I lag behind. Especially television, for example I did not really get into beavis and butthead till the movie and then understood what all the talk was about. I am just getting into family guy … four years too late. I never watched Seinfeld until it was off the air..oh sure I saw it, just never watched for it. Big difference

When it comes to music I have always been better. I was into radiohead (I own 15 cds including bootlegs) when they only had an ep out in Britian. Well before creep made a nation feel what I had felt in the teenage years. I got a pre released rage against the machine (2 cds) debut disc before it hit the stores. I own well over 700 cds and 200 dvds..so we all know what my heroin is.

Music is the only thing that has stayed constant in my life on the road. When it sucks you can put on a smashing pumpkins cd (10 cds) and just veg. Do you think your life is pathetic just listen to The Smiths (6 cds) or Belle & Sebastian (9 cds) and try and fell better about yourself. Do you want to feel cool with the kids just listen to Nirvana (8 cds) or download and squirm to Good Charlotte (0 cds).

Sometimes my brain feels like it moves so fast and music is the only thing that can make it slow down. So what did I buy to slow the thoughts of jumping off a bridge in Kingston?

Double Best of Willie Nellson (2 cd)
Double Best of Billy Joel (2cd)

Pixies Sellout Tour DVD (4 cd and 1dvd)

I know what you are thinking…Willie and Billy. What has happened Darren. The same guy who needed to feel cool in high school and listened to Judas Priest (19 cds). Or the same guy who felt alienated in university and wanted to feel cool by listening to the Cure (10 cds). Or the one who needed to feel all punk rock like and give the finger to the man: Sex Pistols (3 cds) has watered down to this level.

I don’t care anymore if it ain’t cool…these are great songs. You don’t see me throwing out my Luba (1 cd) record. Now granted, it is the one where Luba tried to be Melissa Etheridge (0 cds) but I still got it. Last year the only concert I went to was Phil Colins (7 cds). Also I yell enough at work sometimes I need to calm down.

The pixies are an interesting band for me. I tried to be cool years ago and try and listen to them and just liked one song that was slower. I just could not get into it..it was just a bunch of noise for me. Some of my friends thought they were the second coming and I would just roll my eyes. Give me Suede (8 cds) or give me Blur(10 cds) but this noise..please.

I put my pixies fascination away for a few years. I kept buying cds like an addict buys dimebags. I use to hate my day job so much I would come to Toronto on Fridays and buy like 8 new cds a week. Most of the bands I would not know or only barely heard of but it was the cool thing to do since Edge 102 said everyone should own the new TrippingDaisy (1 cd) or Posum Dixon (1 cd).

Then I even went through my phase of being on the road and just trying to lie down all day. Hey it worked for Brian Wilson (3 cds), why not another fat guy. This would just lead to me watching episodes of Oprah with tears streaming down my face. Randomly calling my old roommate and she would ask “Where are you now and what is oprah saying today”

“And You may ask yourself..how did I get here..and you may ask yourself” (3cds)

On this same western tour I walked into a record store and just needed something to stop the screaming in my head for a day or two. I asked the record clerk for something that might do the trick and he suggested a bunch of lame stuff. I want something that sounds like pure pain coming through the speakers. He looked at me and rolled his eyes and said “You want some Pixies” and took me to some small section of the store and they had a sale. 2 Cd’s for 20 so I bought four pixies cds and left with them wrapped in a brown paper bag.

I rushed back to the room and played the cd. The first song sounded cool but then a song came on that made me realize that they finally made something that sounds like the noise that went through my head.

“I got a broken face..ah ha ah ha”

One song after another this music finally started to make sense to me. It is almost like I hit puberty 17 years later then everyone else that was cool. Everything seemed to slow down and become more normal the more I lied down and close my eyes and listened.

Here I am five years later, on a Saturday afternoon, listening and trying to calm down. Writing blogs, trying to get my old roommate on the phone with no luck and Oprah isn’t on Saturdays. Luckily I will always have the pixies and the world is a better place because of them.