What are you lookin at?

I am sure everyone has an opinion about whether hypnotism is real or not but I hope you like the following story that happened last night on my eastern tour. I have kept a low blog profile cause not much has really happened. We have done three shows for university kids ranging from 400 kids to 25 kids. Pretty much the status quo when it comes to standup ...but then the drama...why does there allways have to be the drama

You do it to yourself, you do
And that's what really hurts
Is that you do it to yourself
Just you and no one else
You do it to yourself
You do it to yourself

Radiohead "Just"

So we pull up to acadia university in wolfville nova scotia and think hey nice quaint town. Looks very dead poets society type school. Hopefully the show is cool. We go to the school and find out that we are opening for a hypnotist.

Now before I get into this..this is what I think of hypnotism. If kids want to beleive it is true and have a laugh and enjoy it great. No biggie. I went in my first year and it was the best five bucks I ever spent. My problem is when performers start to get a little bit of a god complex. You do not have mind control powers..if you did why waste it on kids I would be in vegas or at a bank.

The show starts and there is 400-500 kids in an auditorium, crammed like sardines and are listening to the show. After five minutes the hypnotist shows up with his tech guy and they stand at the back and talk loudly. Now I have a real problem with people who just don't give respect to other performers while they are on. If you want to talk then go somewhere else.

For ten mintues these guys are laughing and making noise and now some of the kids are looking over and it is distracting. The guy now comes up to me and puts his hand out and says

"hey I am Damian"

I barely shook his hand and wished I did not in hindsight (see earlier blog) but I said this instead

"look man just go back over to your corner cause I don't appreciate you talking loud and being disrespectful to the show" something like that

then the shit hits the fan in a way I could not have asked for

the guy freaks the fuck out like a steroid monkey..his chests expands and he says this right in my face in a loud voice

"Fuck you man ...who the fuck are you to tell me anything"

well you did come up to me

"I am going to kill you" yes he said that at least three times in a row cause if guys like this say it enough it will come true

"Lets go outside right now so i can knock you the fuck out"

I was the next act on the show so think about it

"Who the fuck are you ...you are nothing.......I am a star here and all across canada"

To be honest I had barely heard of the guy before this and I like to think that I am pretty connected to the show biz world. I find it funny that the only people who say this are low level show biz tuypes that are justifying bad behavior. So I said

"you should do your research before you make that kinda statement to me"

then he says the best thing I have heard in like three years come out of an entertainers mouth

"You are nothing ...you are this big (takes thumb and finger and has a half inch space between them) and I am this big (holds arm out with clenched fist)...This big you fuck"

Then he leaves but being the steroid fuck he is he has to come back and say

"You fat fuck..look at you old man with your receding hairline..I will kill you"

I just stay quiet till he says

"you little bitch"

I say

"hey you are the bitch with no respect"

here is the kicker he says

"Hey I called you bitch first"

hey ring ring recess is over ..hypnotist wins fight cause he called it first now everyone get your glue out and lets make some fun.

Now I was going to say other things to him but I thought hey he is already worked up enough and I know if he bombs he will blame me.

I could have said

"you are a hypnotist which is below mime and catholic priest on the show biz ladder" but that would not be fair to all the hypnotist that are good guys and till now I have never hacked on them.

I could have said "shut your mouth I can smell tony lee's cock from here" which is a reference to a hypnotist that the guy has stolen his act from. A few people told me that he was doing almost the same show that another hypnotist does ..so know he is not just a hypnotist but a hack hypnotist. Wow I bet mom and dad are proud.

then after the altercation he grabs the booker and whines like a little bitch probably trying to get me kicked of a show. So I go on and when I am angry like this we all knows what happens. I kicked the fuck out the room ..everyonce and awile saying "I am nothing". It was quite liberating actually...

I almost feel bad for the guy that he is stuck making kids fuck chairs and still believing he is the shit. You make kids wack off to mid air and that is it. You are no different then any of us in this biz we call show.

We both were performing in fucking wolfville for fuck sakes not the entertainment capital of the world.

I think I should make peace with him and go to his website and buy his dvd that will stop me from smoking and cluck like a chicken when my friends yell dinnertime at me.

Now his actual show...it was what it was...two and a half hours of kids fucking chairs and to be honest it became very repetitive and pretty obvious which kids were acting and which were not. Why not stream line the show and cut out the fat. When I have seen other hynotists the show is not that long. Do we really need to here the word "sleep" in a gutter groin that much in one night.

To any hypnotist that might be coming here to read what happened ..before this I never had a problem with one and I don't think I will again. How would you like it if when you were trying to put the kids under the spell of what you do while me and the other comic stood at the back making noise. You need complete silence and so does standup. You can diss one artform but don't expect us to take it.

if you are still pissed at me then close your eyes and

Sleep