What are you lookin at?

SO I start the day off with two flights to get to seattle

Everything is fine until the flight from detroit to seattle. I spend the five hour flight sitting in front of a old woman who yells when she talks. She kept doing a play by play commentary out her window

"oh look there are the mountains...lots of mountains...that IS HIGHER THEN THAT ONE. HAROLD IS THAT A DAM .....AND THERE IS ANOTHER DAM RIGHT BESIDE THE FIRST DAMN WE MUST BE GETTING CLOSE TO SEATTLE AS I HEARD THEY HAVE LOTS OF DAMNS DERE"

I arrive and get my car rental very quickly and off to the hotel. It takes me two hours to get to the hotel as I took a worng turn and ended up on a highway with no exits...the first sign I see was vancouver this way.

I finally arrive at my hotel and of course the interent it down in the rooms. So I have to keep sneaking down to the lobby trying to find a signal like a herion addict looking for a good bathroom.

Next I try to shave but due to the age of the hotel they have no hot water...did you read that ...NO FUCKING HOT WATER AT 4PM. So when I shave with cold water I always rip my face appart. So I look like a preteen pizza faced fuck..even worse then with my inbred manbeard.

I try to shower before the show that night. Have you ever taken a cold shower when you are already pissed off...you feel like hugh jackman in xmen taking them at 3am to get into a pissy mood. I am already in a pissy mood.

Then off to the club for my open mike spot. Now I normally don't like doing open mikes anymroe but I thought get your feet wet darren...work out the kinks.

The club was a nice new room that had great sight lines and good sound. What they didn't have that night was an audience which I understand cause there are ups and downs in the comedy world. Two customers is not an audience.

So they did the show for the two customers and 12 comics sitting in the crowd. Whenever the comics outweigh the crowd I don't feel like doing comedy cause it is not a real response. I should have said no thanks to the spot but I did not want to feel ungrateful for it.

I went on and hated every second of it and said some horrible things which of course will alienate me from the other comics. At one point I said

"This makes me want to shoot my cunt out"

I admit that was not the smartest thing to say and I was in a bad mood because of what had happened in the last 24hrs. I should have said no to the spot or just monkey danced but I can't.

I just can't anymore

and I get to miss halloween with my kids for this

Karma police, arrest this man
He talks in maths
He buzzes like a fridge
He's like a detuned radio