What are you lookin at?

Can you really travel through time and live through it again

Can you be 14 skinny wearing a Dio shirt and scream

Well in a town like Hamilton anything is possible my little gumdrop.....

A few years ago there was a comedy club owner that had pictures on the wall of metal legend Ronnie James Dio. He used to tell me that he knew ronnie for years and we spoke about old school metal while the middles died horrible deaths in his club.

Cut to a few years later and he now is working with ronnie on his current tour with Black Sabbath. We reconnected and I told him I was going to the show and he said backstage passes would be waiting for me and the other comic.

SO we went and banged our head hard to

QUEENSRYCHE
ALICE COOPER
BLACK SABBATH

The concert was great and cooper and dio sounded amazing. It was refreshing to see someone over 50 giving it so fucking hard. I have always said I like to watch people when they are trying..nothing worse then lame fucks on stage looking at their shoes.

Dio jumped around like he was 30 years younger and made ozzy look like Stephen Hawking pumped full of heroin.

Before Sabbath hit the stage the other comic Jay Brown and I were talking rock stories. I told him i always like to say stupid things to rock stars to kinda knock them off autopilot. Like when I met styx and said to the Guitarist with long hair, huge mustache and beard

"I loved you in the Lion King"

They took the picture right after I said it and he has the glazed look over his face and I love it.

So Jay and I were talking about what we could do with Dio and he said that he was going to ask Dio to get on his shoulders for a pic. I fucking howled and said I don't know if it's a good idea but I love getting kicked out places so i said to do it.

During sabbath's song Voodoo Ronnie would bend down and point and yell voodoo at the audience so I dared Jay for ten bucks to do it to Ronnie.

SO there we go..we are set

After the show we waited to hook up with our good friend Steve and within a half an hour or so we got to meet DIO.

When we walked in the room Steve introduced Jay as a comedian and ronnie asked if we knew the comic named Jason Rouse which of course we do. Then before steve could introduce me Dio turns to me and says

"Hey man you look just like Kyle Glass"

Now for anyone who does not know who that is...it is the other guy in Tenacious D with Jack Black. SO I say in an angry tone

"Great nice to meet you to ronnie ...you just called me a fat actor"

SO everyone laughs har har
I then say

"Well that is better then Bobby from King of the hill"

We get to spend a good twenty minutes with ronnie telling stories about standup etc and he answers all our questions.

At one point a guy comes in and it looks like we are overstaying our welcome so I get up to leave right away. Ronnie asks where I am going and I say

"Oh I thought it was time to leave"

He says no and to sit down. I never want to be that guy who is the unwanted house party guest who won't leave even when the parents have come home

"hey your mom is hot and your nana is a GILF..you know Grandma I'd Liked to...."

Then it gets to the pic moment. So Jay and I stand and flank ronnie. Before we can snap a pic Ronnie says

"don't you guys want solo shots with me"

not missing a beat Jay says

"actually Ronnie I wanted to get you up on my shoulders for a pic"

now if you know me you know I never smile in photos ever....but I start to howl and we have take the photo and I have the biggest shit eating grin on my face.



So up goes ronnie and we take the pic




we all say goodnight and slip dio a comedy dvd for the road

Oh and the first thing Jay said to Ronnie is Voodoo Voodoo...fucking ten bucks