What are you lookin at?

Here I sit in a small town american town that still has a Kmart. Do you remember them? I had to walk through it and try to remember the smell of one. Still smells like a small town sears store.

When it comes to standup, there are reasons I cannot go on the road for long periods of time. I have a nine day rule with my wife and my sanity.

In that regard this is a young mans game. I read tons of books about life on the road and the common denominator is that idea of putting up with 23 hours of the day for the one hour of show.

Well what happens when the soul has been sucked from that hour. Then you are putting up with 23 hours for nothing.

I watch movies..listen to depressing music and write more material to be stared at.

Over the last two years I have become even less social and I know that. I don't like small talk with new people. Not a cliche for me..but a means to an end.

Another depressing song

Blue Rodeo "Till I Am Myself Again"

I want to know where my confidence went
One day it all disappeared
And I'm lying in a hotel room miles away
Voices next door in my ear

Daytime's a drag, Nighttime worse
Hope that I can get home soon
But the half-finished bottles of inspiration
Lie like ghosts in my room

I want to go, I know I can't stay
But I don't want to run
Feeling this way,
Til I am myself
Til I am myself
Til I am myself again

There's a seat on the corner I keep every night
Wait til the evening begins
I feel like a stranger from another world
But at least I'm living again

There are nights full of anger
Words that are thrown
Tempers that are shattered and thin
And the moments of magic
Are just too short
They're over before they begin

I know it's time, One big step
I can't go, I'm not ready yet
Til I am myself
Til I am myself
Til I am myself again

I had a dream that my house was on fire
People laughed while it burned
I tried to run but my legs were numb
I had to wait til the feeling returned

I don't need a doctor to figure it out
I know what's passing me by
When I look in the mirror
Sometimes I see traces of some other guy

I want to go, I know I can't stay
But I don't want to run feeling this way
Til I am myself
Til I am myself
Til I am myself again