What are you lookin at?

So it is 11pm at night and the sirens are blaring loud. I am currently in prince george after doing two shows in one day at a college. The early show I did to 12 people and the later show was packed but full of drunks that were so loud there was barely a show.

The thing is you cannot be too hard on this kind of crowd cause the people booking the show sometimes are very new. They are learning and they did the right thing. Almost immediately they talked to me about what they should do. They did not come to me with the whole "I guess comedy doesn't work huh" kind of attitude that some bar owners will have.

So since I am the first show of the year they need to work out the kinks. See when it comes to the way I do business I will always help out where I can and be a professional. I could have let my ego get in the way but I didn't. I just said that in the future you are not going to have guys that can over turn a group that is loud or can be as aggressive as me so things need to be done. Hopefully it will help the next guy/gal who is bringing their version of ha to price george.

I have had problems in the past at colleges and I don't do that many cause they don't always go like that. To be honest I did not do that well but tons of the students came up to me afterwards and said they liked it blah blah blah. The one thing I didn't do is get angry. I only get angry when nothing is being done about it like at a comedy club or one nighter that has been going for years. They should know better..three people fucking up the show for the rest is just stupid business.

This tour has been full of should'ves and could'ves. Maybe my act is just for the larger towns..sometimes I think like that but then you find a run in a row that are great. I just did Kelowna which is three days and it ran the spectrum of great crowds and cokeheaded monkeys.

The thursday show was a fundraiser and they told me they wanted my middle show. I have three different shows..one is clean which I don't like to do often but will for a fundraiser if that is what they want. The third is the full xrated show and the second is the middle. The middle is where I do some edgy stuff but nothing too far over the line. I normally do the best when I do this show. Now normally Thursday is quite slow in kelowna so this fundraiser is important cause it is busy. So I do the middle show and it goes great. Everyone is happy. The staff is happy..the fundraiser people are happy...the audience is happy. This is too much fucking happy for me. Something wicked this way comes.

The night before in banff the show was a little wonky. At some points they loved it and others they stared. The crowd was small and most did not pay to get in. That way they would make sure the crowd got bigger before I got on. Now when someone does not expect comedy to be their night it can be a little weird at the best of times. A fat guy yelling for an hour to some is not comedy. So I had to do things to wake them up. Switch gears and play nice and then maybe a little nastier. At best it is the boxing analogy of dancing around jabbing and uppercutting.

At one point I asked for some rope so I could hang myself from the beam on the roof and they all cheered. They cheered for my death..so I thought ok they get it so I said

"Don't kid yourself..I would never do it in banff ..I would do it somewhere cool like seattle or san fran ..go and shoot myself full of herion and check out. Not in banff..isn't it ironic there is such beauty outside with the mountains and we go underground and there are you mongoloid fucks"

and they cheered that....where do you go after that. Somehow I did it ..I cannot remember but I pulled it off.

On to night two in kelowna. The room was pretty full and they were warned it was an xrated show and it quickly became a hammerfight. While the opener was on, there was a guy in the audience who said he wanted to kick the fuck out of the opener when he got off. A girl also left crying for some reason. This is before I got on. So it was a typical night of me yelling and riding different sizes of waves. I did the show and sold some merch. All and all 2-0 for me in kelowna.

Saturday nights in kelowna are generally couple nights at this comedy venue so we were told it would be tame. It never can be that easy for me when I come to town. The club was packed with a much younger crowd then they are used to. The opener goes up and they are chatty and yelly. Not a good start from a comic's perspective. The night goes on and I notice there is a large number of people who keep going to the bathroom. Then coming back and then ten minutes later going back to the can.

Now when I hit the stage it is loud, chatty and people getting up all over the place so I have to hit them hard. Remember I am the comic that can go longer when the crowd is against me then with me. So it quickly becomes all out war. I do an over an hour and am quickly drained of any energy. No one left ..there were times they all laughed and sometimes when they hated it. At one point I said I hope I get aids so i don't have to come back. Full blown aids not just HIV..and leprosy so when no one will fuck my aids riden body my arms fall off from over masturbation. I don't die from the aids but the build up of pressure of not getting the cum out of my body and i explode. Boom they cheered

I know not my best but what can you do. After the show some people come over and say things like this

"well i think it was more performance art then comedy but it was fucking awesome"
"It was great fuck the cokeheads"

my favorite was this guy who came up and had this blank look on his face like i had just raped a puppy

"I saw you at the Nasty show at Just For Laughs and thought you were nasty then..all I can say is wow"

Turns out that the people going to the bathroom were doing tons of blow and one guy puked in the bathroom. The whole vibe of the night was like a bad coke deal gone wrong.

Then the manager shows up. He had the night off and thought it was couples night so he would just come later. When he got to the club there were tons of people outside ..most were saying how great the show was but there was one guy who was pissing on the front door. That is how fucked up some of these people were..pissing on the front door. There was also a few guys who wanted to kick the fuck out of me for some reason. The opener was out there and they kept saying "Hey you were funny but the other guy was just wrong" something like that.

As I was pumping hands and kissing babies inside there was a few people who came back in to tell me that there was guys ready to fight me. I was like

"Ok cool i know"

They were taken aback like this has happened before. They could not beleive that the show they saw would get people that angry they would want to fight. I had to tell them this does not just happen to me that the opener had someone the night before.

Booze plus CokeHeads equals poor judgement. It is the comedy equation of death

The thing is I still do not know how to call that last show. I mean no one complained and everyone thought the show was great. I will leave the story with this little example

A woman was playing pool beside me after the show with friends..she came up to me. She was in her 30's and said great show so I said

"thanks for actually listening and not being some 20 yr old coke head who wants to get fingerbanged in the car by her boyfriend"

she laughed at it and went over to her friends and told them the same thing and they laughed...it was my own way to compliment her ...remember that compliment her

30 minutes later I am still playing pool beside them and the woman had some more
booze. She turned to her friends not knowing I could hear her and says

"I tried to talk to the comedian and he was just rude to me"

see with a little more booze and some agenda you can never win sometimes

ever